so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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