So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
