first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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