He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
