I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
