and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
