I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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