Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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