I cockslap morals
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
