I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
