Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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