Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
