I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Randomize
