Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
