my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
