i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
