Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
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