Apparently you make a good broom.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
