What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
