Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
