This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
