I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just sucked dick on a ferry
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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