sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
