bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
