My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
