Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
