I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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