Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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