At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize