I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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