I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
