Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize