Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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