he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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