do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
