Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
