Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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