Duck Duck Cougar?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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