Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
