I'm gonna have a badass scar
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
