Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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