do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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