I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
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