just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
