Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
