Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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