he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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