College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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