I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
