Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
