why didn't you poke me back
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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