if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
