Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
