you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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