I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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