My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
