it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
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