how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
