is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
