There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You ate ashes out of my bong
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
