FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
