Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
