new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
