i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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