Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
