This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
