I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
