worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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