Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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