Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
