thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
