Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
