Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
