dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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