So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
