a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
