Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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