I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
