I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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