I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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