I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Ambien. No doubt about it.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
